Tags
Abuse, Division, Generational Patterns, God, Healing, Hope, Isolation, Love, Marriage, relationship, Restoration, Silent Killer
This was written by a dear friend of mine who would like to remain anonymous. She wanted to share their story for any who are struggling in a similar way….
I would like to tell my story and keep it anonymous. But, so you can relate to real people, I will call myself Jean, and my husband will be John.
We have been married a L-O-N-G time, decades actually, but unfortunately, it was a bitter uphill battle for us. Over half of our marriage was a war zone. No, not affairs, alcohol, drugs, or bankruptcy. And thankfully, we always had a steady income, a warm home, a meal everyday, and clothes to wear. The silent killers of our love were division, isolation, emotional vacuums, and abuse that stalked us relentlessly.
It was generational patterns that we could never rise above. But deep within us we held tightly to a dream and the reality that our God whom we believed in and staked our life on would come through for us someday. Maybe that’s how Elijah felt when he challenged the evil prophets. Maybe that was how Joseph felt when he rotted in prison, or Paul as he was beaten, or Jesus when he was alone on the cross and in the grave.
And God did come through for us in many miraculous ways. Truly, he has wiped away our tears, healed the pain, and removed the bad memories.
What do I consider my greatest achievement or accomplishment in life? Is it our children who lead responsible lives? Is it hours at work, academic achievements, comfortable living? No, it is something we never take for granted and comment on frequently. It is the closeness we have today, the tangible love that flows so freely between us. It is God’s favor on our lives.
What would I say to someone in similar circumstances, who struggles? Get help. We did. We sought help continuously. Why did it take so long? I don’t know. I guess it depends on what kind of challenge you have when you begin the race, as to how far back from the starting line you stand. All I know is that many couples we loved crashed and burned along the way and gave up. Sadly they don’t have the benefit of a shared history to knit them together and sustain their love.
Don’t ask your peers for help. Go to those that have been married longer and weathered many storms.
Our children? Well, unfortunately, they bore the brunt of the painful times in their formative years. I see patterns being repeated. They are not healed yet and that is the hardest part of life for us. We can only release them to God, for his loving intervention, his time, his way.
What is marriage? It is two people becoming a new person. It is delaying your hopes, dreams, ambitions so someone else can achieve theirs. And then you find that they are really OUR goals. It’s someone to keep you warm at night. It is someone to share your innermost thoughts with, your secret hopes, your dreams, fears, your concerns. It’s the anxiousness you feel when you are apart, the relief and security you know when you are back together. It’s love that works, love that redeems, love that sees potential fulfilled. It’s worth the struggle. It’s God’s smile on your shared life. It’s God’s love made flesh. It’s worth it!