My husband and I both worked with orphanages when we were overseas. More him than me. And perhaps it always …
I am waiting For my Prince to come He is my Lover He will come for me Take me in …
This was written by a dear friend of mine who would like to remain anonymous. She wanted to share their story for any who are struggling in a similar way….
I would like to tell my story and keep it anonymous. But, so you can relate to real people, I will call myself Jean, and my husband will be John.
We have been married a L-O-N-G time, decades actually, but unfortunately, it was a bitter uphill battle for us. Over half of our marriage was a war zone. No, not affairs, alcohol, drugs, or bankruptcy. And thankfully, we always had a steady income, a warm home, a meal everyday, and clothes to wear. The silent killers of our love were division, isolation, emotional vacuums, and abuse that stalked us relentlessly.
It was generational patterns that we could never rise above. But deep within us we held tightly to a dream and the reality that our God whom we believed in and staked our life on would come through for us someday. Maybe that’s how Elijah felt when he challenged the evil prophets. Maybe that was how Joseph felt when he rotted in prison, or Paul as he was beaten, or Jesus when he was alone on the cross and in the grave.
And God did come through for us in many miraculous ways. Truly, he has wiped away our tears, healed the pain, and removed the bad memories.
What do I consider my greatest achievement or accomplishment in life? Is it our children who lead responsible lives? Is it hours at work, academic achievements, comfortable living? No, it is something we never take for granted and comment on frequently. It is the closeness we have today, the tangible love that flows so freely between us. It is God’s favor on our lives.
What would I say to someone in similar circumstances, who struggles? Get help. We did. We sought help continuously. Why did it take so long? I don’t know. I guess it depends on what kind of challenge you have when you begin the race, as to how far back from the starting line you stand. All I know is that many couples we loved crashed and burned along the way and gave up. Sadly they don’t have the benefit of a shared history to knit them together and sustain their love.
Don’t ask your peers for help. Go to those that have been married longer and weathered many storms.
Our children? Well, unfortunately, they bore the brunt of the painful times in their formative years. I see patterns being repeated. They are not healed yet and that is the hardest part of life for us. We can only release them to God, for his loving intervention, his time, his way.
What is marriage? It is two people becoming a new person. It is delaying your hopes, dreams, ambitions so someone else can achieve theirs. And then you find that they are really OUR goals. It’s someone to keep you warm at night. It is someone to share your innermost thoughts with, your secret hopes, your dreams, fears, your concerns. It’s the anxiousness you feel when you are apart, the relief and security you know when you are back together. It’s love that works, love that redeems, love that sees potential fulfilled. It’s worth the struggle. It’s God’s smile on your shared life. It’s God’s love made flesh. It’s worth it!
This is re-posted from a friend of mine…if you are struggling with trauma, stress, fear, anxiety, panic, post traumatic stress syndrome, then this is for you. Please read and share with those who are hurting, who feel they are drowning and need a hand up…
I snuck a little Snickers Minis today and with it brought a rush of memories. Don’t you just love when that happens? The human experience is so utterly amazing!
Six months after my Mom died I moved out of the family home. I stayed with my boyfriend at the time and his friend Scott — we lived in a small apartment not too far from where I originally was. (Technically living on my own at the age of 17 was quite the experience. Sometimes I wish life would have panned out differently, but I’m happy with the way things ultimately turned out.) Shortly after moving in with the guys I began to dread my living situation. Scott turned out to be a psychopathic drug addict. He would wake up in the morning and the first thing he would do was grab a beer. He had his friends over the apartment day and night and would meet strangers at local bars and invite them over to buy, sell, and use heavy drugs.
Over the course of a few moths I began to develop Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I felt unsafe in my own home and started to believe I was going to die. I didn’t know if someone was going to shoot the place up or come in and rape me. I was also under a lot of stress thinking the cops were going to raid the apartment. On top of all this, 911 just taking place, and my mother passing — I was completely drowning in fear.
Eventually I locked myself in my bedroom and wouldn’t leave. I would bring everything I needed for the day in with me, so I wouldn’t have to come out until my boyfriend returned from work. I would only take a shower or use the bathroom if he was home. I would continually check to make sure all of my doors and windows were locked, and even developed a severe need to count every single thing I looked at. If I didn’t tell my boyfriend to be careful when he left for the day I was convinced he was going to die. I once forgot and was terrified I “murdered” him. I sat around all day curled up in a ball waiting for the police to call.
There were many times I wanted to run away from where I was, but at that age I thought I was unworthy of other peoples help. I believed I was stuck no matter what I tried to do. You may wonder why I stayed in this situation if it was so bad and didn’t go back home. I have my side of what I feel happened and my family has there’s. Ultimately, every family has issues and after my mom passed I didn’t feel comfortable at home any longer.
After over 7 months of living in debilitating fear, I started to remember the days when I lived freely. I knew it was possible to get things back to the way they were and I was ready to be myself again. I would pray everyday asking God to save me. Little by little I would come out of my room. I started with using the bathroom when Scott was home. Then walking to get the mail or taking out the garbage. Over the next few weeks I decided I wanted to progress even further, so I made the decision to walk to the gas station alone. It was dark out and I was terrified, but I prayed the whole way. “God please just hold my hand. I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want to be afraid of living my life anymore.” I walked a few blocks and made it to the gas station. I stood still staring at all of the people walking in and out so freely. I wanted nothing more than to join them. It took everything I had to walk through those doors, but eventually I did it! I felt everyone looking right through me. I thought they could sense my panic and fear. I closed my eyes — took a deep breath — opened them again — and ran strait for the candy. I grabbed a Snickers bar, paid for it, and headed home.
I walked the whole way back with a huge smile on my face. All I could do was thank God for helping me. As soon as I walked in the door I put that Snickers bar in the freezer — where it stayed for the next year. This was only the beginning of a very long journey, but every time I opened the freezer I was able to look at that candy bar and visualize how far I had come. God carried me then and he still does today. If you are currently struggling with fear, God is sitting right next to you waiting to help. All you have to do now is just ask.
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)
If you have overcome any of your fears or are working towards them, I would love to hear your story.
How long O Lord must we wait until Your return?
Our land needs healing!
Our people need rescuing!
How long O Lord must we wait until Your return?!
Our marriages are hurting!
Our families are broken!
How long O Lord must we wait until Your return?!!
Our economy is failing!
Our government is foolish!
How long O Lord must we wait until Your return?!!!
Our hungry need to be fed!
Our addicted need to be set free!
How long O Lord must we wait until Your return?!!!!
I will contend for the enemy’s schemes to be brought to ruin and obliteration!!!
I will contend for generational curses to be broken off our families!!!
I will contend for our families to be united and at peace!!!
I will contend for our marriages to be as one!!!
I will Speak Up and Speak Out!!!
I will NOT be satisfied with defeat or failure!!!
I will NOT be satisfied with status quo or accept normal!!!
I will NOT be satisfied with giving in, giving up, letting up or shutting up!!!
I will NOT be satisfied until the enemy has been defeated and we have victory!!!
Scientists such as geneticist Conrad Waddington, considered in his time to be the most original and important-thinker on development biology, and Award-winning researcher Susan Gasser who is the director of the world-renowned Friedrich Miescher Institute and a professor of Molecular Biology have both been pioneers in the field of epigenetics.
Epigenetics is the study of how environmental factors change the way your DNA and genes express themselves. Basically, it’s the study of how the way you grew up causes YOU express YOURSELF.
These pioneering scientists are discovering what the Jewish theologian Paul taught centuries ago – “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind….” and “Take every thought captive…” Turns out what he already understood on a spiritual level is true on a physical level – our thoughts are powerful, our sub-conscious mind is powerful.
In a very small nutshell, decades ago, DNA helix discoverers Watson and Crick taught that everything about us from looks to personality is determined solely by our DNA we were born with – and that environmental factors had nothing to do with who we are.
Again, as it turns out, scientists like developmental biologist Bruce Lipton now teach that our genes and DNA are absolutely manipulated by our personal beliefs. Our DNA expresses itself according to what we believe to be true from our interactions with our environment.
How does this work? To put it simply, your body places “tags” on your DNA based upon what your mind believes that tell your genes how to express themselves. By this tagging you can constrict gene expression or expand gene expression.
And discovery in this field goes even further. The perceptions your parents and grandparents had about their lives are passed down to you! You are born with “tags” on your DNA that were given to you from earlier generations that tell your genes how to express themselves – if at all. Some tags can completely shut off a gene like an on/off switch!
The reason I write this is to give you hope that you can change your life – if you decide to believe and think differently.
How can you change these “tags” on your DNA?
It takes the renewing of your mind by taking every thought captive and holding it under a bright light to examine whether this thought hinders you or helps you.
Purposefully choose to think differently. Purposefully choose to believe differently.
The next time a negative thought crosses your brain, stop it! Catch it! And replace it with one that is positive.
By changing what you believe, you can change your life.
For examples of positive ways you can think that are true about yourself, see earlier posts, especially Breaking Free of the Lies – Finding True Identity.
For those who have science backgrounds like myself who would like to learn more about this exciting field of epigenetics – similar to psychoneuroimmunology - see below for more fascinating details.
And I will be sharing more to come…
A good read from developmental biologist Dr. Bruce Lipton: http://www.brucelipton.com/book-excerpts/the-nature-of-dis-ease/
A more in-depth scientific educational video for those interested on Dr. Susan Gasser, director of the Friedrich Miescher Institute and a professor of molecular biology:
I am driven within to share the freedom I have with those who do not know freedom. I am compelled to share the greatest Redeemer and Lover of my life who has healed all my sickness and disease and given me freedom from bondage.
I have heard that 80% of sickness is from your mind – from the belief you have about yourself. So I write to help you…if you will listen…
To those who are condemning themselves, hating themselves, lying to themselves, believing they are not worth living…this is for you!
To help you climb out of the hell you are in, to help you see light at the end of the tunnel, to help you believe there is Someone who loves you, who can heal you, who can make your hurts go away and make you whole. This is for you!
To make you believe that you are beautiful, you are lovable, you are redeemable, your life is worth living, that
YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR REALITY.
YOU CAN OVERCOME YOUR ADDICTION.
YOU CAN OVERCOME THE LIES.
YOU CAN OVERCOME!
Because I know there is a better way. I have experienced the better way. And because I cannot be silent about the Better Way.
Shame sears your conscience and brands your heart with “Guilty!” Guilt throws the jury’s noose and slaps handcuffs around your heart and squeezes like a vise. Shame and guilt are constant companions forever accusing you and whispering that you are, “Unworthy, unworthy, unworthy!” until you believe it and begin a downward spiral of self criminalization and self hatred.
There are two kinds of secrets that weigh the heart and make one depressed with feelings of shame, self hatred and unworthiness:
One secret where you have been victimized and taken advantage of, where something has been done to you that has hurt you and made you feel unworthy.
Another secret of on-going wrong-doing that remains un-confessed – and anything un-confessed weighs the heart and makes one depressed and experience feelings of self hatred, shame and unworthiness.
And sometimes it’s both – you have been hurt and you have done wrong.
All of these make one hide and live in secrecy…and it is in this secret place where shame and guilt come in to torment and whisper lies that you are unworthy and unredeemable…and not worth living…
BUT NO MORE.
DO NOT LISTEN THEIR CONDEMNING LIES NO MORE.
It’s what they are – lies!
Because YOUR LIFE IS WORTH LIVING, YOU ARE REDEEMABLE, YOU ARE PRICELESS!!
So how do you get rid of the lies? How do you get out of the bondage shame and guilt have you enslaved and trapped in?
Do not hide in secret anymore. In a safe place with people you trust, openly confess before God what has been done to you and openly confess what you have done wrong. Hide it no longer. There is healing power in open, public confession – when done in a safe place. When there are no secrets left, shame and guilt can no longer hold you in bondage with your addiction and their lies.
Beloved…come away from the darkness and come into the Light. The Light will set you free…
You have the power to create a new life for yourself by listening to the truth about yourself that:
You are loved and accepted just as you are by a God who created you and wants you to be free of the hurt and the lies. He does not look at you and judge you; He looks at you, loves you and wants to heal you…
He calls to you, “I have seen every tear you have cried, I have seen every hurt in your heart; I have seen every mistake you have made. And I love you, I desire you. Give Me your broken heart and I will heal it – I will put every piece back together and make you whole. I will cleanse your heart and make you new. You are worth redeeming, restoring, and rescuing. Come Beloved…let Me redeem you and call you My own…let Me love you and heal you…”
I have known shame. I have known guilt. They were once my companions. They have been everyone’s companions at some point and to some extent. But I found a Love greater than all my shame, all my guilt. This Love has accepted me as I was and called me His very own beloved. I have never known greater love or greater joy than being His own. My life is full of joy and peace and happiness. Please, do you not want this same joy, love and peace?
Will you accept His call to you and answer Him with “Yes my Maker, my Redeemer, my Lover, I will give you my heart…I confess my wrong, and ask you to take my hurt away and heal my heart…I trust You…I believe in You…”
For more steps are how to be free read:
I have a dream…of a world where there is no sadness
I have a dream…of a world with no homelessness
I have a dream…of a world annulled of violence
I have a dream…of a world healed of sickness
I have a dream…of a world with no hunger
I have a dream…of a world with no pain
I have a dream…of a world in peace
I have a dream…of a world filled with joy
I have a dream…of a world full of helping hands
I have a dream…of a world with houses for everyone
I have a dream…of a world where tummies are satisfied
I have a dream…of a world filled with righteousness and hope
I have a dream…of a world where every child freely laughs and plays
Choose NOW to not allow what you were called in the past to hold you back from all you could be in the future…
Breaking free may be easier to some and much harder for others…but the key is to START breaking free by starting to believe the truth about yourself.
Below are some action steps crucial to breaking free…
- Renounce the lie that you are NOT what you were called. Sometimes there are multiple layers of lies you must break through. Renounce the lies as many times as it takes! Say “I reject these lies about myself and choose to believe the truth!”
- Ask God what the truth is about you – who did HE create you to be (see below for some truths about yourself)
- Choose to think, act and talk differently – according to the truth about yourself
- Surround yourself with a positive, life-giving community of people
- Forgive those who have wronged you and repent of any ill-will towards them
- Go to people who will lift you up when you feel down
- Learn the enemies tactics and how to strategically protect yourself – he will try to accuse you and bring up dirt from the past; he will try to remind you continually of the lies. His goal is to convince us to believe the lie about ourselves in order that we will deny our own true identity. When we agree with those lies we behave in ways that are contrary to how God sees us and who HE made us to be.
- Persevere, never give up, and pray hard continually!
Some truths about your identity from the God who made you…
You are free
You are loved
You are gifted
You are smart
You are unique
You are desired
You are special
You are one-of-a-kind
You are prized, treasured, cherished!
You are a crown jewel in your heavenly Father’s eye!
Begin speaking these truths over yourself….daily, many times a day even. Print them off so you see them in front of you always. Tape them to your fridge, your mirror, your dresser.
Then start asking God, “what are my giftings and talents you have given me? What is the purpose and plan You have for my life?”
He will show you…and when He does…pursue it! You will never find more joy and fulfillment in life then when YOUR plan for your life is in alignment with HIS plan for your life!
I remember distinctly years ago as a teenager of being “labeled” and being called a certain three words - which I will keep to myself. It didn’t exactly give me a warm, gushy feeling inside knowing that I was considered what these three words meant. And it wasn’t truly who I was at the core of me.
Being labeled can be rather hurtful actually. Have you been called something that hurt your heart?
Some labels can be so hurtful to you – especially if frequently repeated – that they crush your spirit and over time you become exactly what you are called because you started believing that lie. Were you ever called something that negatively impacted you?
Everyone is given a label of some sort or another. And there are all kinds of labels. People will instantly put a label on you as “oh she’s that….” or “he’s this…” You can probably fill in the blank as to what you were called or labeled. Some labels can be positive and uplifting, but many are negative and harmful.
Hurtful labels are a lie that denies the true identity of that person. Have you been called something and believed that lie about yourself that has caused you to reject or deny who you truly are?
THIS IS WRONG!
My heart is to see you break free of your label…to break free of the lies…
Were you the one with a pretty face but labeled a ditz?
Were you the prima donna who outwardly was self-confident and self-assured, but secretly hated her life?
Were you the sports jock considered good-looking but arrogant and stupid?
Were you the nerdy smart one often asked for help but never thanked?
Were you the one who always talked too much?
Were you the quiet one who never spoke enough?
Were you the one who always felt like you had to perform to be accepted, to be cool?
Were you the skinny one?
Were you the overweight one?
Were you the goody-two-shoes?
Were you the one abused physically or emotionally or sexually?
But the better question is…WHO ARE YOU REALLY?
Deep inside are you really a totally different person? Did this label cost you the freedom to be yourself? Has this label stolen your self-esteem and self-confidence? Did that label make you angry or resentful because that’s really not the heart of who you are at all?
Often the crushing weight of our label weighs our hearts down and makes us believe we not worthy, leaves us with poor self-esteem and poor self-confidence. It often makes us angry to the point of hatred for those people who spoke negatively over us. You may resent them and become bitter.
Do you want the freedom to be who you really are stolen from you because of something you were called years ago?
Beloved…it is TIME.
TIME to be FREE.
TIME to MOVE ON.
TIME to be YOURSELF.
TIME to DISCOVER Your TRUE IDENTITY based upon who HE made you to be!
TIME to become the unique, incredible, one-of-a-kind, gifted person God has made you to be.
Choose NOW to not allow what you were called in the past to hold you back from all you could be in the future…
(Continued in Breaking Free of the Lies – Finding True Identity Part 2)